Monday, July 30, 2007
OK, this post isn't going to be long.
There's a thought which I've found myself dwelling on a bit lately, and I'm going to put it down on paper (metaphorically, of course - no one uses that stuff anymore right?) in the hope that it will help the idea to grow and take shape... It's all web 2.0, man! - interaction and shared power of creation! (man, I am such a geek...)
Aaaanyway...
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The Will. Such a nebulous concept. What does the term even mean?
Freedom? - "Do as you will", so they say.
Willfulness? - the joy of every 2 year old, and the bane of their parents. It is such a surreal experience to see your child - who didn't even exist 4 years ago - trying to enforce his will on the world like a mighty despot. "General Daniel, El Presidente for Life." Less surreal and more unsettling, actually...
Or what about "free will", hmm? We all want to believe that we have the final say, don't we?
"Change your circumstances with positive thoughts", says Oprah.
"It's a free country", says random punk teenager, "I can do whatever I want" (and when it comes to it, freedom to do what you want *is* why the USA was even founded)
Or as we Christians like to say "Choose God! Accept him as your Personal Lord and Saviour (tm)".
When I hear all this talk, I can't help but think that in spite of 400 years of science, we all secretly harbour the belief that the universe revolves around us. You'd think that at least the Christians would have ducked that one...
What I'm finding, more and more, is that my will is bad. Does that sound too strong? What if I could honestly say that out of all the times in my day that I'm faced with temptation to do something wrong - whether it's to tell a white lie to get out of trouble, or get angry when my train is late, or lazily waste my time on the computer, or over-eat, or look a little bit too long at a raunchy ad on TV - what if I could honestly say that most of the time, I gave in. That given the choice, I would choose to do wrong?
Personally, I've never been dragged to a table and forced to eat too much. I've never had my eyes taped open. You could say that I "freely" chose it, eyes wide open, every time. It was an action of my will, willing myself to go and do something that displeases God, hurts myself and most likely hurts others too.
That is what my will is like, anyway.
And that is why I believe, alongside some old dead guys like Jonathan Edwards, in what they call "The Bondage of the Will". In real theologian-speak it's called "Total-" or "Radical Depravity". It doesn't mean that we "can't choose anything at all", or that we're robots. It actually makes a big deal out of our culpability - it says that when it comes to it, all things being even, we human beings willingly choose to sin, every day, in basically every way we can manage.
We are all radically messed up - for all our claims to freedom, and being able to choose what we do in life, we can't help but do what is wrong. Not because we want to do what's right, but we have trouble making it happen - but because even deeper, even more sinister, we want to do what's wrong.
That is why Jesus says "anyone who sins is a slave to sin". You see, this stuff is not a sign of freedom, or of wisdom in rejecting conventional morality - it means you're not free. It means that your lust, or your anger, or your greed, or your selfishness - it's controlling you! You can't help it!
So... Woo hoo! Isn't this a happy state of affairs. We all say we're free, but we're not. We all say we can do whatever we want, man, but we can't. Real freedom isn't in freedom to sin - it never could be. Real freedom, as God defines it, is in being free to do what is right. Being free from the emotions and desires that plague us from the inside out. Being free to love God with undivided devotion. Being free to be the man, or woman, or lover, or parent, or friend - that you were made to be. And that only comes through the God that made you. Through the Rescuer who breaks your chains of sin and unholy desire. Through the Lover who can burn away all the lesser loves in your life in the ferocity of his own.
If "freedom", as the world defines it, is what I've experienced time after time in this world, then I don't want to be free. I don't want to be my own. I want to be God's.
Labels: Calvinism, free will, freedom, theology
this post isn't going to be long haha! riiigghgttt.
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so basically, we all are crap and theres nothing much we can do about on earth =] right?!
"this post isn't going to be long haha! riiigghgttt."
Heh, yeah, I saved it as a draft rather than posting my unfinished thoughts and came back to it a few times. Then, as I continued to write, it got longer and looonnnger! ...sorry 'bout that :)
"so basically, we all are crap and theres nothing much we can do about on earth =] right?!"
Well, when you say it like that... *yes* :)
We *are* all crap. When we stop listening to the barrage of white noise that constantly assaults our senses and distracts us from looking deeply at our world and ourselves, we see it.
When we give into the same temptation for the thousandth time, we remember it all over again.
When we see the image that Jesus paints of perfection - of perfect relationship, of perfect community, of perfect holiness - we see how far we have missed the mark by. And that's "we" as individuals and as the whole human race.
But, you see, when we *do* grasp this - that's when we get to the good bit!
When we get a hold of our sinfulness and brokenness, and actually appreciate our "radical depravity", then we can start to grasp - and really appreciate - the extent of God's grace.
As Tim Keller, that guy that I told you about the other day, always says:
"I am weaker and more sinful than I ever before believed, but I am more loved and accepted than I ever dared hope"
That there is the meaning of the Gospel. Every word and action that Jesus ever took - culminating in his death and resurrection - demonstrates in excruciating detail the twin facts that our sin is a big - incredibly, ridiculously big - deal, but God's love for us conquers even that.
There *is* nothing that we can do. That's why we need God! That's why we needed God to come and take the sin off our back, and go to the slaughter for us. And that's why we need God to capture our hearts with love for him, overshadowing all earthly delights in the light of his supreme worth.
It's not about *us* working to be more righteous - but God working in us to put to the death the sinful desires of the flesh. It isn't about us avoiding external stimuli that drive us to sin, as if it was from outside that the desire came - but about our hearts being renewed, fully enslaved to the desires of God's Spirit, not the spirit of the world.
That's where I was intending to go with this piece, anyway. Thanks for reading, and challenging me to explain myself.
BTW - if you're wondering where I'm getting all this stuff from, not including the *BIBLE*, it's basically a conglomeration of Tim Keller, John Piper and the "sin" chapter of Blue Like Jazz... :)
Oh - and Thomas a Kempis' "On the Imitation of Christ", too! He is another old dead guy who I really like. And I mean -way- old - like back when there was one *one* Church kind of old!
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